I am a health worker, I am vaccinated!

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This is for my family.

So yes I got my first shot of Sinovac vaccine. There had been so many times that I was hesitant to take the vaccine, because i know this doesn’t give us a 100% assurance that everything will be okay. I have an existing illness of allergic Rhinitis which is quite severe for the past months and battling it while working on a very strict protocol under a hospital administration is really hard, though I have been taking my maintenance I am really afraid Covid vaccine might worsen my current situation, or I might get a sever adverse effect after the shot.

Last night I prayed to God that he will guide me with my decision to go for my first vaccine shot. I didn’t get the right amount of sleep needed because I was anxious, nervous, a little scared so I wake every after one to two hours or should I say I didn’t really get to sleep well. But as the morning comes I prayed deeply to God that I will surrender to him everything thats going to take place during vaccination and post vaccination. I prayed really hard and asked for my safety and the rest of vaccinee.

Thanks be to God, I felt okay after vaccination. We were under observation for about 30 to 40 minutes. I felt slight coldness and a stingy sensation in my chest after maybe five to ten minutes but I just inhaled and exhaled deeply, I condition my mind that everything will be fine, thank goodness with the help of my colleague who keeps talking and making fun while we tested I calmed myself and my uncomfortable feelings slowly went gone. Our blood pressure was checked and we were always asked how we are feeling, we were closely monitored by the present nurses and physicians.

Thanks be to God I am okay. Hopefully everything will always be fine.

I take the vaccine for my family. They were really eager not to let take the vaccine because they read, watch and heard a lot of bad things about the vaccine.

But I am a health worker, what I heard and understand based on medical explanations maybe different. And I want to be an example that they will see what happens after taking the vaccine, maybe to ease their worry, to make then understand that we should not be afraid of taking a risk, when we no taking the risk or not we will all die by any circumstances. Why not accept what is offered to us, that can help solve the pandemic.

Life is full of risk. We should be risk taker at some point.

Que Sera Sera

I am miserable, undecided, confused. I don’t know which word to describe how I feel right now. I am about to make a life changing decision, and I don’t know which is which.

In this time of pandemic, a job is an essential thing one must have in order have to gain money to provide the needs of the most important in the world, our family. It’s been a month or two that I am battling with myself whether I give it up or hold on to it.

I need a job, I need financial security, I need to pay our debts,loans, and bills, but my children also needs me. Yes, my husband has a job but I know his salary will not be enough to cater all our needs financially.

My physical presence is needed at home especially my two year old son, whom I have notice had been experiencing a speech delay. I feel guilty every time I can see him wanted to talk but cannot say the word exactly. Seeing children of my neighbor and friend of my childs age speaks clearly makes me wonder what is wrong with my son. I have asked our pediatrician she believes it’s because of the screening time my son spent on gadget rather than playing or being played, and I am guilty.

Whenever I came home from work, I can hear complains from the Lola who is the watching after my son. His Lola is 60 years old, but unlike any other 60 years old grandma she is not physically fit, she complains about body pain, leg, pain hands pain and more. I believe she was just informally telling me that she is no longer capable of watching after my son. I can sense it I am not that insensitive.

To get a babysitter or a yata would be an option, but that would mean my entire remaining salary will be paid for a Yaya. I don’t earn that much, I don’t have a high paying job and it really sucks to know the truth about it.

Because of many uncertain circumstances i handed my resignation a month ago. I thought I am going to be okay with it, but I am having doubts now that I am nearing my last day of work. My colleague has been telling me that a child will just grow up soon you will need a job, “Sayang”. I am totally confused.

Sometimes, I know what should be done, but sometime I though it should be the other way.

To hear some comforting words from my partner, or assurance that he will find ways would be best but I don’t get it. Maybe he knows he will not be able to provide financial security, he wants me quit my job to focus on my child, but I know it will be very difficult for us financially. He doesn’t earn that much, we are just a regular employee earning basic salary, and the world right now is turning upside down. Expenses rising, payables increasing, salary remains the same. This is very difficult for me.

I must take a risk, and I don’t know which is which. This is a delima I experienced 10 years ago, though it’s quite different, I don’t have a job then and I wanted to get one, but now I have a job and I don’t know if I should quit or hold on to it.

I need to come up to a final decision, then maybe I’ll sing Que Sera Sera.